We don't usually know what is the final stage of our lives, until we are very old, then we think every stage is the final one. That, however, has less to do with reality, and more with hypochondria and paranoia. My mom is nearing the last stage of her life. She is now #1 on the waiting list for a long term care home. I wrote the above paragraph two days ago, and since then, her number has come up. Next Tuesday she will be admitted to the long term care facility.
I remember dropping her off at the day program the first time; I have no children but it felt like taking my child to school on the first day. I sat in my car afterwards and I cried at what she had become. I fear this will be a thousand times more difficult. Even though I know this is best and she will eventually adjust, I am not sure I am ready for this. Actually, I am quite sure I am not!
Finally the statement "This hurts me more than it hurts you" makes sense!
I read a funny meme yesterday that said "Sometimes I open my mouth and my mom comes out". It made me chuckle because it's true. In this case, it's not only my mom I sound like, but I have taken on her role in dealing with her needs. Such a surreal feeling, but I know many people have been here, and made the tough choices. At least we have these choices, and can make them.
Our first home in Canada was a townhouse at 9 Lyra Starway. My mom bought it in 1985 or 86 for $67,500. You can't even buy a parking spot for that price downtown now! We were steps away from Fairview Mall where I held my first three part time jobs. We renovated that house and lived there for almost 20 years. It was a beautiful spot, with a baseball diamond across the street and several apartment blocks housing many of our Armenian friends and family who had migrated from Mississauga to North York to be closer to the Armenian community center.
The kitchen, dining room and living room were on the second floor, and there was a small area off the kitchen where we had a TV, a couch and a kitchen table. Many a night I sat on the couch and watched David Letterman or the original Law and Order after my shift at Roy Thomson Hall, with my mom fluttering in the kitchen making me something to eat.
One day, we were sitting at that table and she brought up the subject of nursing homes. She said "I will check myself into a nursing home where I can be taken care of and be with people my age. I don't want to be a burden on anyone". At the time this comment seemed abstract; too far in the future and not about my mother. As the years wore on, and I saw my grandmother do the same, it came as a relief that people make such choices to set their families free. But never did we anticipate this! Her inability to make this choice, and us having to make it for her. (Wow! I just had to go splash cold water on my face so I can continue.) But here we are, making that choice, and choosing not to prolong the inevitable. We are delivering our mom to the final stage of her life, and my God it sucks!!!
Mama jan, I hope you know we are only doing what is best for you. I am telling myself that if you were able to make this choice, you would. I hope this is the right action to take and we wont regret it. I hope you know how much we love you!
I remember dropping her off at the day program the first time; I have no children but it felt like taking my child to school on the first day. I sat in my car afterwards and I cried at what she had become. I fear this will be a thousand times more difficult. Even though I know this is best and she will eventually adjust, I am not sure I am ready for this. Actually, I am quite sure I am not!Finally the statement "This hurts me more than it hurts you" makes sense!
I read a funny meme yesterday that said "Sometimes I open my mouth and my mom comes out". It made me chuckle because it's true. In this case, it's not only my mom I sound like, but I have taken on her role in dealing with her needs. Such a surreal feeling, but I know many people have been here, and made the tough choices. At least we have these choices, and can make them.
Our first home in Canada was a townhouse at 9 Lyra Starway. My mom bought it in 1985 or 86 for $67,500. You can't even buy a parking spot for that price downtown now! We were steps away from Fairview Mall where I held my first three part time jobs. We renovated that house and lived there for almost 20 years. It was a beautiful spot, with a baseball diamond across the street and several apartment blocks housing many of our Armenian friends and family who had migrated from Mississauga to North York to be closer to the Armenian community center.
The kitchen, dining room and living room were on the second floor, and there was a small area off the kitchen where we had a TV, a couch and a kitchen table. Many a night I sat on the couch and watched David Letterman or the original Law and Order after my shift at Roy Thomson Hall, with my mom fluttering in the kitchen making me something to eat.
One day, we were sitting at that table and she brought up the subject of nursing homes. She said "I will check myself into a nursing home where I can be taken care of and be with people my age. I don't want to be a burden on anyone". At the time this comment seemed abstract; too far in the future and not about my mother. As the years wore on, and I saw my grandmother do the same, it came as a relief that people make such choices to set their families free. But never did we anticipate this! Her inability to make this choice, and us having to make it for her. (Wow! I just had to go splash cold water on my face so I can continue.) But here we are, making that choice, and choosing not to prolong the inevitable. We are delivering our mom to the final stage of her life, and my God it sucks!!!
Mama jan, I hope you know we are only doing what is best for you. I am telling myself that if you were able to make this choice, you would. I hope this is the right action to take and we wont regret it. I hope you know how much we love you!
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