Instant Relief

 

Family. Why do so many of us have such complicated relationships with our families? As we grow up those relationship can change from one extreme to another: from being our everything to being the thing that we avoid, and gradually back to something very important to us.

And why is it that tragedy brings families together? Why is it that my family that’s in Toronto gatherers for a funeral when we haven’t seen each other for months? And why is it that my cousin‘s wife who isn’t a blood relative is the one making the greatest effort to keep this family together? I have to say I love her for it because she has taken the motherly instinct and extended it to include the cousins who have been estranged for so many years. I sometimes wonder whether it’s a natural instinct for her now that she has children so that she can preserve part of her family for the two girls to get to know and learn from. Maybe if she reads this post she can answer that question.

On Saturday I felt a closeness with my family that I haven’t felt in a very long time. Maybe the hardship that I’m going through with my mother is part of the reason why I value the warmth and nurturing that come so easily to family members. Maybe tragedy really does bring people together and maybe we need some in our otherwise uneventful lives to be able to be there for each other and remember that blood really is thicker.

I took my mom to the funeral luncheon Saturday because it was an opportunity for social interaction for her, a chance to see her brother, my cousins and others that knew her when she was younger. She got to kiss many other people than me, and was surprisingly calm. My family instantly gathered around her, gave her hugs, kept me and her talking and extended invitations to their homes for both me and mom, which I intend to take. There is no reason why my visits to the nursing home have to be spent there. I can take my mom out much more now that the weather is cooperating. I felt such warmth from them that I was very grateful for having my family here.

Now that I have felt what I have felt I don’t think I can go back. I look at the faces of my family members and I feel instant relief. Even my mom who’s not entirely sure what’s happening saw these familiar faces and genuinely warmed up to them. I do believe she remembers some things and I’m glad it’s the faces of people we have broken bread with so many times.

Mama Jan, get ready. It’s spring and it’s time to get out and break more bread.