They -whoever they are- say that dementia is brought on by extreme stress, some also link it to anti-depressants, though apparently that has not be proven (yeah, right) and they are seeing the greatest rise in working women. Well, my mom checks all the above boxes!
Working women, from what I have experienced in my moms' generation, equaled women who did everything at home that non working women did, while also putting in an 8-10 hour work day outside the home. Only now that I am trying to juggle my own business and a part time-job, being there for my mom and taking care of things at home, do I realize what a task this is, and I have zero children, and a self-sufficient husband who does a lot more than I do around the house.
My mom worked all her life; I believe one of her first jobs was at Sherkat Naft which was the national oil company in Iran. Almost anyone with skills and education worked there for a time, and that is where she met our dad, who was their photographer. Some time later, she won the lottery, and used that money to go to London and get an education. She went to "secretarial school" for two years on that money and from what I gather she had the time of her life. Knowing this makes me happy somehow. What a brave and unusual move that was at that time.
Around the time of the revolution, mom worked at the Hanover Trust head office in Tehran, and when the Americans left, mom was entrusted with the task of packing everything up and closing up shop. She was really afraid because she could have easily been slapped with a label of being an American spy and then God knows what would have happened to her. I remember she was particularly afraid of the driver who was a very devout Khomeini follower and used to ask my mom all kinds of question about what she was doing. Even back then I could not believe the nerve of this man and was angry at him for making my mom frightened. Thirty years on, mom was still afraid to return.
Even in that madness, she had the presence of mind to ask the bank to deposit her pay in an account in NYC because she could see the currency devaluing and knew she would need a nest egg when she moved us out of Iran. I believe she had nearly 25K waiting for her when she got to Canada, which she used for a down-payment on our townhouse. Hanover Trust asked her to go to NYC and work for the bank, but she didn't want to raise kids there. She thought it would be too hard to take care of a family there alone. The 70s were a dark time for NYC.
In Canada, mom began working with a temping agency as a Girl Friday. Her only criteria was that she needed to be home when her kids got home from school, so she worked until 3:30 or 4 pm. She drove around the entire city week by week finding her new office, and some weeks did not have work. We liked those weeks because mom wasn't as tired, but she was really good, so we didn't have off weeks a lot. One day someone from the Ministry of Health called for help and the woman at the temp agency said "I have someone who is really good, but she doesn't speak English". Intrigued by this contradictory statement, he asked for her to be sent the following Monday, and so began my mother's 18 year tenure at the ministry.
During the Bob Rae era, mom was a strikebreaker and suffered her colleagues judgement, and later a cross-the-board pay decrease. That was stressful! She also suffered an alcoholic boss who would ask mom to bring her files, forcing her to sign them out, take the said files home, lose them, and blame mom. Mom was rightfully worried about losing her job, and was beside herself for weeks. I remember having a conversation with her, asking her why she doesn't go to HR. By then I was in university and apparently more aware of the purpose of that department than mom was. She asked me what good that would do, and I told her she was unionized, she was protected and that the HR department was for exactly this kind of issues. Her boss Susan was eventually fired. Apparently mom wasn't the only one to file a complaint and the last straw was when Susan sent out a sensitive email while copying the organization the email was about. That was really the only time I saw mom truly happy at another's misfortune.
As for mom and dad's relationship, it was another source of stress with dad away, and living the life he wanted, mom was saddled with all the responsibility, though I am certain she never thought of it as such. Her parents joined us and moved in, which was stressful on another level with more medical appointments and health issues, and we grew up and started acting out- well I did anyway, my sister was a saint. My father's siblings also emigrated and my aunt Lily and my mom were like sisters, still would be if mom knew who Lily was.
All in all mom seemed content enough. What I didn't know was that mom had been on anti-depressants for twenty odd years. She took a collection of pills from herbal to chemical. I really wondered how she managed all her life, but I guess the meds were helping, and then not helping. Mom started to forget, and from what I could see she was forgetting what had stressed her out the most throughout the stages of her life; Dad. With it, went everything related to dad including his side of the family. Maybe I am imagining things but that has been my impression all along, sad as it may be. She sees familiarity in heir faces, but I think its more the Armenian features, but really what does anyone know? I told a family friend yesterday that what has happened to mom is unfair on a cosmic level. I am not entirely sure what this means, but it sounds about right. She is such a good mom even now, was a devoted wife and daughter a smart, strong woman who made the best decisions for her family always putting them first. Why should a woman, a force like her suffer this fate?
Khenzor, I always used to ask Why when I was a kid, and sometimes when you were impatient or tired you used to say "You don't always need to know why." I guess this is one of those times.
Working women, from what I have experienced in my moms' generation, equaled women who did everything at home that non working women did, while also putting in an 8-10 hour work day outside the home. Only now that I am trying to juggle my own business and a part time-job, being there for my mom and taking care of things at home, do I realize what a task this is, and I have zero children, and a self-sufficient husband who does a lot more than I do around the house.
My mom worked all her life; I believe one of her first jobs was at Sherkat Naft which was the national oil company in Iran. Almost anyone with skills and education worked there for a time, and that is where she met our dad, who was their photographer. Some time later, she won the lottery, and used that money to go to London and get an education. She went to "secretarial school" for two years on that money and from what I gather she had the time of her life. Knowing this makes me happy somehow. What a brave and unusual move that was at that time.
Around the time of the revolution, mom worked at the Hanover Trust head office in Tehran, and when the Americans left, mom was entrusted with the task of packing everything up and closing up shop. She was really afraid because she could have easily been slapped with a label of being an American spy and then God knows what would have happened to her. I remember she was particularly afraid of the driver who was a very devout Khomeini follower and used to ask my mom all kinds of question about what she was doing. Even back then I could not believe the nerve of this man and was angry at him for making my mom frightened. Thirty years on, mom was still afraid to return.
Even in that madness, she had the presence of mind to ask the bank to deposit her pay in an account in NYC because she could see the currency devaluing and knew she would need a nest egg when she moved us out of Iran. I believe she had nearly 25K waiting for her when she got to Canada, which she used for a down-payment on our townhouse. Hanover Trust asked her to go to NYC and work for the bank, but she didn't want to raise kids there. She thought it would be too hard to take care of a family there alone. The 70s were a dark time for NYC.
In Canada, mom began working with a temping agency as a Girl Friday. Her only criteria was that she needed to be home when her kids got home from school, so she worked until 3:30 or 4 pm. She drove around the entire city week by week finding her new office, and some weeks did not have work. We liked those weeks because mom wasn't as tired, but she was really good, so we didn't have off weeks a lot. One day someone from the Ministry of Health called for help and the woman at the temp agency said "I have someone who is really good, but she doesn't speak English". Intrigued by this contradictory statement, he asked for her to be sent the following Monday, and so began my mother's 18 year tenure at the ministry.
During the Bob Rae era, mom was a strikebreaker and suffered her colleagues judgement, and later a cross-the-board pay decrease. That was stressful! She also suffered an alcoholic boss who would ask mom to bring her files, forcing her to sign them out, take the said files home, lose them, and blame mom. Mom was rightfully worried about losing her job, and was beside herself for weeks. I remember having a conversation with her, asking her why she doesn't go to HR. By then I was in university and apparently more aware of the purpose of that department than mom was. She asked me what good that would do, and I told her she was unionized, she was protected and that the HR department was for exactly this kind of issues. Her boss Susan was eventually fired. Apparently mom wasn't the only one to file a complaint and the last straw was when Susan sent out a sensitive email while copying the organization the email was about. That was really the only time I saw mom truly happy at another's misfortune.
As for mom and dad's relationship, it was another source of stress with dad away, and living the life he wanted, mom was saddled with all the responsibility, though I am certain she never thought of it as such. Her parents joined us and moved in, which was stressful on another level with more medical appointments and health issues, and we grew up and started acting out- well I did anyway, my sister was a saint. My father's siblings also emigrated and my aunt Lily and my mom were like sisters, still would be if mom knew who Lily was. All in all mom seemed content enough. What I didn't know was that mom had been on anti-depressants for twenty odd years. She took a collection of pills from herbal to chemical. I really wondered how she managed all her life, but I guess the meds were helping, and then not helping. Mom started to forget, and from what I could see she was forgetting what had stressed her out the most throughout the stages of her life; Dad. With it, went everything related to dad including his side of the family. Maybe I am imagining things but that has been my impression all along, sad as it may be. She sees familiarity in heir faces, but I think its more the Armenian features, but really what does anyone know? I told a family friend yesterday that what has happened to mom is unfair on a cosmic level. I am not entirely sure what this means, but it sounds about right. She is such a good mom even now, was a devoted wife and daughter a smart, strong woman who made the best decisions for her family always putting them first. Why should a woman, a force like her suffer this fate?
Khenzor, I always used to ask Why when I was a kid, and sometimes when you were impatient or tired you used to say "You don't always need to know why." I guess this is one of those times.
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